I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
