I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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