you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
