Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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