You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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