I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
