I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
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I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
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It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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