remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
