I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
