Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
