and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
