I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
