We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
