The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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