Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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