just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
