Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
