I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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