she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
