think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
