Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
