It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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