Your tits are I can't wait for
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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