oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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