you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
