whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
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Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize