Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
