I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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