So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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