turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
