cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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