I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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