she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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