5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
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I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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