when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
