Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
