New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
