every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
