peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
