Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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