i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
