i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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