There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
