Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
