I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
