Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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