I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
