im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
