We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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