i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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