She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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