KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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