Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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