help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
