plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
