I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
