she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
