How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
