hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
