By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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