So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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