She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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