The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
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Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
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Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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