I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
