We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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