just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
ttyl tear gas
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Mom said you looked used
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Boobs are out for the taking
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
