I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize