hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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