Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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