yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
