i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.