i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.