Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition