I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.