Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I murdered the dance floor call the cops

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  (757): I murdered the dance floor call the cops http://tfl.nu/jwsp
  Replies (14) Good night (2432) Bad night (760)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.

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  (970): You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip. http://tfl.nu/rzap
  Replies (3) Good night (2995) Bad night (750)
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  (310): View more from California

  she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.

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  (310): she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category. http://tfl.nu/bs6u
  Replies (55) Good night (943) Bad night (11632)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.

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  (214): Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me. http://tfl.nu/94g1
  Replies (9) Good night (770) Bad night (3282)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.

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  (248): just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night. http://tfl.nu/esr4
  Replies (6) Good night (1038) Bad night (3387)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"

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  (440): Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little" http://tfl.nu/17w7
  Replies (6) Good night (3363) Bad night (1020)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'

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  (845): Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary' http://tfl.nu/zqo1
  Replies (7) Good night (3034) Bad night (1192)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic

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  (217): You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic http://tfl.nu/nxkw
  Replies (2) Good night (2737) Bad night (866)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.

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  (972): About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised. http://tfl.nu/d2m0
  Replies (5) Good night (1563) Bad night (733)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.

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  (910): once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits. http://tfl.nu/8psa
  Replies (3) Good night (1334) Bad night (562)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.

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  (604): So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer. http://tfl.nu/mgaz
  Replies (2) Good night (2123) Bad night (496)
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  (916): View more from California

  I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.

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  (916): I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it. http://tfl.nu/y2di
  Replies (1) Good night (566) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.

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  (765): Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros. http://tfl.nu/gkb1
  Replies (0) Good night (739) Bad night (487)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.

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  (715): I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me. http://tfl.nu/kgj7
  Replies (4) Good night (257) Bad night (632)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.

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  (248): I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home. http://tfl.nu/9ut5
  Replies (1) Good night (590) Bad night (272)

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