Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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