had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"