Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.