You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
