All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
