this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep