I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
