imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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