i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i think i just lost a toe
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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